Horse Racing Jokes

Laughter is the best Medicine - so we have compiled our favourite Dressage jokes, puns and funny stories on this page to provide some extra equine therapy with this equestrian humour!

A jockey entered the paddock before the start of the race to get mounted and the trainer said to him 'You have got to ride your best and win this race because my wife has had a monkey on this racehorse, and I have a monkey on him.

The jockey looked astonished and asked 'Will there be any room for me?'.

Racehorse Owner: Please tell me, do you think that I will be able to race this horse again?

Vet: Of course! And you'll probably beat him as well!

Riding the favourite at Aintree a jockey is well ahead of the rest of the field.

Suddenly his mount is hit by a turkey. He manages to keep control of his horse and pulls back into the lead, only to be struck by a dozen mince pies and box of Christmas crackers as he jumps over the last fence.

He recovers form this and manages to return to the front of the field, but, in the final furlong, he’s struck on the head by a bottle of port and a Christmas pudding. Unfortunately he had no time to recover and only manages to finish in second place.

Furious, the jockey complains to the racecourse stewards that he has been seriously hampered.

Dave was leading his horse down the road and met his neighbour Bob. His neighbour said to him "What are you going to do with that horse?" Dave replied 'race it' Bob then replied "Well by the looks of it you'll win!".

A thoroughbred was standing at the edge of his paddock looking over a fence watching a game of cricket being played on the village green. "Any chance of a game?" he enquired of the captain.

The captain was astonished by the talking horse, but when was insistant that he was very keen to play the skipper thought it would be a bit of a laugh to send the horse out as opening batsman.

The horse went in to bat. The first ball was bowled, he faced up to itand slammed it over the boundary for six. The second ball was bowled and agian he hit it for six and then did the same with the third, continuing the same way for the rest of the over - he hit every ball for six.

He was partnered by the captain of the side, and when the opposition bowler ran in and bowled from the other end the captain managed his first hit for a meagre single. The skipper called for the horse to run.

But the thoroughbred just stood still. He ignored the desperate calls by the skipper for him to run. In the confusion the captain was stumped out.

"Why didn't you run?" shouted the captain in frustration. "Listen mate," replied the horse, "if I could run I would be at the racecourse today, not playing around with this cricket game.

Collection of Horse Racing jokes, equine puns and funny horse stories to provide some extra equine therapy with this equestrian humour from the dressage arena